New Year's in Vegas!
Last night, I was trying to make New Year's plans with
Reynier before I went to bed. So, I dreamt that we had decided to spend a couple nights in Vegas to celebrate the new year. In real life, I love Vegas but
Reynier has never been, to be honest I don't think he would enjoy it at all.
In the dream, when we got to Vegas, we stopped at a diner and I asked the waiter for a coke but he brought me a diet coke. When I asked for a regular coke again, he sighed, annoyed, and grabbed a half-empty can that someone was drinking from at another table!
While we ate, I realized that I hadn't thought out the plan very well. We didn't have hotel reservations (on New Year's Eve!) and now we were going to have to drive around and find a place with a vacancy. To top it off, I only had $80 to cover everything: gas, food, hotel and drinks! I texted my mom to see if she could send me some money but she didn't respond. I really didn't want Reynier to know that I had left L.A. with no money and would probably not be able to split all the expenses with him.
As we were leaving the restaurant, the same guy who gave me someone else's soda handed me one of those fat travel guidebooks for Vegas. Dream Reynier and I headed out to the car and started looking for a hotel that was reasonably priced. After a lot of time spent reading the guidebook, we found a place and checked in. The dream hotel was Maxim (in real life, I stayed there once when I was very young) but it didn't look like Maxim. It was super luxurious with chandeliers in every room. It was around 4 in the afternoon when we made it to the room and I was exhausted from driving and searching all day so I plopped down on the bed and fell asleep.
When I woke up it was dark and I could see the lights of the strip outside the window. I didn't see Dream Reynier anywhere in the room so I checked in the bathroom. He was filling the bathtub. He seemed to be upset and was saying he needed to relax. Dream Reynier was really upset that we had to share a hotel with other people! I didn't understand at first and thought maybe we had to share the bathroom with an adjoining room. He explained that we weren't sharing the bathroom, but we had to share the halls, the casino, the vending machines, and the arcade! Needless to say, Dream Reynier was getting a little crazy. I felt so bad that I had suggested we go to Vegas. I felt that I should have known that Reynier would hate it. I went to the window and looked outside and saw the pool and hot tub. I asked Dream Reynier if he wanted to go swimming but there was no answer. I went to look for him, but he was gone.
Then I woke up.
When I woke up, I was soooo relieved to be home and not in Vegas with a missing, crazy Dream Reynier!
Labels: Dream Reynier, dreams, New Year's Eve, Reynier, Vegas
The Apology
A couple days ago, I had just gotten to work when I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. I answered (against my better judgment) and was surprised to hear a voice I hadn't heard in over three years . . . let's call the caller GH.
When I was a senior in high school, I met GH through a friend and I liked him a lot. We hung out a little until after a few months, he told me that he didn't want to see me anymore because he felt I was starting to become "too attached" to him.
Four months later, out of the blue, GH called me and stupidly, I started hanging out with him again. I saw him almost every day for 8 months, but we weren't really even dating. I was just, there. I'm embarrassed to admit how much I did for him and I'm also embarrassed to say how badly he treated me. I remember going to his apartment and just sitting around waiting for his attention while he watched tv or chatted with other women on the phone.
One morning, I woke up super early because we had agreed that I would bring him breakfast, when I got to his place, I rang the bell for the longest time. I called his cell. Nothing. Finally, the building manager came over and told me that he hadn't seen GH since the night before, when he went out to the club. It wasn't until hours later that GH called me back and told me that he had spent the night with a woman that he met at the club. I don't remember his apology. I wish I could say that was the last time I spoke to him.
Months passed and I started to give him money every week. I had gotten my first job, and I wasn't making too much. My mom saw that I was working and working but also that I had no money, it was just disappearing. It got to the point where my mom asked if I was using drugs! I taught GH and his friends to play poker and we played every Thursday. When I left, I would leave him all the money I had won from his friends and all my money that I had brought to play with, but I looked forward to Thursdays so much, because I felt that it was a time when I was real to him and it let his friends know that I existed.
GH would do 15 terrible things and then do 1 kinda nice thing, and that nice thing would give me hope. That nice thing made me think, yes, he talks to and messes with a lot of girls, but I am the main girl. I am the best girl because I'm the provider.
Throughout the months, I could feel him start to care and stop himself. Every time he gave me any good sign, he would go out of his way to undo it. Once, he kissed me on the cheek (he had never kissed me) and then, suddenly, a few minutes later, decided he needed to go out dancing with one of his girl friends. Needless to say, I wasn't invited.
Finally, GH decided to move away and it was my chance to escape. We talked a little after he moved. I bought him a phone, put it in my name, and sent it to him (a decision which affects my credit to this day). Then, I met someone, and he freaked out. After having me right in front of him, waiting, devoted for almost a year, it wasn't until he knew I had found someone better that he told me he cared. I told him to leave me alone and let me be happy and thankfully, he did.
So, a few days ago when I got this call, I was not thrilled. I had spoken to him briefly about 2 years ago when I was already with Reynier and his last call left me annoyed. This time he started off in a super casual way, just asking how I was doing, etc. Then, he started spilling out all his feelings. He started to apologize for everything he had done and how he had treated me. It was so heartfelt and emotional. I was so shocked! I didn't think that he would ever see or admit that he had been behaved badly. I was able to say all the things that I should have said then- that I was too afraid to say.
It seemed like he had been feeling this guilt for so long. From the things that he said, he gave me the impression that he thought I would just be there all the time no matter what he did, probably because for so long, I was there no matter what. He told me that when he found out I was with Reynier (and had been for a year already) he "wanted to die" because he knew that he had lost me.
The thing is that after believing in him for so long and constantly being hurt for it, I don't trust him. Even though I feel that he was being honest and appreciate his apology. In theory, I really feel that everyone should have a chance to change and be given a second chance, but in practice . . . that's another story.
It was nice to be able to say what I needed to say. I definitely learned a lot from my time with him, even thought it was painful. I mostly learned what to never do again! Now, I can really be with someone. I can be honest and say when I do or don't like something or if I will or won't do something. I know how to find
someone to treat me well! Now, I know how to be happy.
Labels: apologies, high school, men, the passage of time
Classified: MIssion Christmas
I planned and schemed to get Reynier the iphone for Christmas. So, I worked about 80 hours in two weeks at my job (the most hours I've ever worked at any job) and sold my ass off to make a few extra dollars commision (I only make commision on flat-irons, curling irons, and Jessica Simpson hair-extensions). I was dying, especially since by boss is super high strung and drives me a little batty if I spend too much time with her. I worked 15 days without a day off!
Finally, on Friday, I got paid, but I had miscalculated my hours and I was paid about $100 less than I had been planning with. I started to think that maybe the iphone was $100 too expensive and the I didn't want to be unable to get the rest of my family nice presents! So, I thought about getting Reynier a $300 gift card to REI, where he loves to buy his camping/outdoorsy gear. I thought this would be espcially good since I knew he had been planning a snowboarding trip. I was a little disappointed because I thought this would be a huge downgrade from the iphone.
Meanwhile, every day, several times a day, Reynier joked that he knew I would be getting him the iphone. I know he wasn't serious about it, but I was worried because he knows me so well, that he had guessed what I was going to get him, even though I didn't drop any hints!
On Saturday night, I headed to the 3rd st promenade with my mom, still torn about whether to get the gift card or the iphone! We wandered around while I picked up presents for my brother and made a stop at Victoria's Secret. While at Victoria's Secret, Reynier called and said he had to stop by the promenade also. I was worried now that whatever I got him, my surprise would be ruined!
Then, suddenly it hit me, I have to get the iphone! I simply must! My mom and I rushed to the apple store but as we were about to go in, I got a sick feeling like butterflies in my stomach.I thought, this is the biggest purchase I have ever made! My mom asked if she needed to hold me up. She's super helpful as you can already imagine. I got over my money-loss anxiety and got in line (I was surprised at how few people there were in line). While we were waiting, a guy came up to us, who could help us if we had been paying with a credit card, He asked how I was paying and for what and when I said cash, he gave me a look like I was a big dog gangster or something carrying around with all that cash. lol. He had no idea, I just don't have a bank account, and this was all the money to my name!
When I got to the register, I was rushing to pay because I knew Reynier would be at the promenade at any minute. Then, he called me to ask me a question about parking and I knew he was already there! Luckily the apple store is 4 blocks down from the parking and I knew we still had a little more time. When I take out my cash to pay, the guy tells me I can't pay cash, only credit or debit. I am so "WTF?" about this. My Christmas cheer is leaving me. I don't understand, but I don't have time, I check with my mom to see if I can give her the cash and she'll put it on her card. She has to call the bank. So, we wait outside while she calls. Success! We run back in, I give her the money, the guy brings the phone and we're set. We hide the iphone in one of the Victoria's Secret bags. The last place Reynier would think to look, lol. I was so rushed to hide everything and then walk as far and fast away from the apple store as we could, that I didn't think that Reynier was doing sneaky things of his own and it was another hour before we saw him!
I am so happy with my present, it was all worth it!
Labels: Christmas, iphone, Reynier
'But what did I know then...'
Years ago, when I was about 16, after my parents had divorced and I had learned things about my dad that made me sick, he came to see me at my grandmothers and brought me a blood red lipgloss. It was an expensive designer brand and I was convinced that he had stolen it. It made me so upset to think that he had stolen something to give me a gift. I wouldn't take the gloss and when he asked me why I wouldn't say. He was so upset that he just left. He didn't even seem mad. I know that my past has shaped who I am and I would never want to go back and change anything that's happened to me. I only wonder about what could have been and where I would be if things with my dad had been different.
Products or people?
It's been an oddly cold winter in LA and as someone who is usually cold anyway I have been suffering a little. At work, the owner likes to keep the door open, rain or shine, so, naturally, when I open the store, I turn on the heat. Apparently, this is not ok with my boss, who says that the beauty products must be kept cool. Mind you, even with the heat on, the thermostat never tops 76 degrees. If she wants human employees to stay thawed, she's going to have to compromise a little. In the meantime, I enjoy the warmth while she's not around.
Labels: The Beauty Supply
He Gets it From Me
I just saw my brother's show at his acting studio. His teacher came out and said, "Frank is becoming a genius!" I love to watch him because: 1. He always does great scenes and 2. His technique is dope. He is so natural and fun to watch. Whenever I see him in anything it makes me want to work harder in my own performances.
. . . is watching.
This morning when I called my boss after opening the store as usual, she asked (more like, politely accused) me if I came in early yesterday. I told her that I got there early every day. Since she wasn't there, this can only mean one thing: she was spying on me on the security tapes. I don't like this. It makes me uneasy. I have some privacy issues. The biggest beef I used to have with my family was if they came into my space unannounced or went through my stuff (this usually happened when they were trying to do something nice like clean my room or that one time my mom thought I was a hardcore drug addict...don't ask). So now I have such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was liking this job so much and now this! I know I overreacting a little but I can't shake the nasty vibe here, now that I know that everything I did today may be rewound and reviewed.
Work hazards
This is what can happen when extended boredom occurs in a setting with every possible hair/beauty product can be found.
Work hazards
This is what can happen when extended boredom occurs in a setting with every possible hair/beauty product can be found.
