Adultivity

*sigh*

I'm exhausted.
I spent today with my dad and it was so surreal and intense day.
It was strange for him to be in my mom's house, sitting, making us laugh, eating at our table. For so long it's been us and then, separated, him. For us to be together...god, I can't even think about it. It was just weird.
He reminded me just how much I love him. Even though, I have tried to deny it.
I caught him just looking at me a few times and there was disbelief in his face. Maybe because I haven't been closer to 20 feet away from him in years. Maybe b/c I'm about to turn 21 and he's thinking of when I was born and things were okay between us all.

I was struck by how small he is. I remembered him taller, stronger, and straighter. I saw him and I got a lump in my throat. He's much much smaller than Franky. I felt so bad. I guess in my imagination he's been this giant villain of my life. And today, I saw, wow, this is someone who loves me but doesn't know any better. Today he was just a man who made a lot of mistakes, not someone to hang all of my issues on.

posted by Adultivity @ 2:00 AM