Adultivity

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2008-07-13T17:28:00.001-07:00

0713081727a.jpg
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

Waiting in line for the iphone! So so psyched!

Bad Idea

2008-05-28T17:54:00.001-07:00

Bad Idea
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

Check out the giant jar of temptation sitting next to me right now! My bosses try to be nice by bringing candy and ordering pizza but it makes life so difficult when you're on a diet and have zero self-control!

A stroll

2008-05-25T17:56:00.001-07:00

A stroll
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

My two bad dogs out for a stroll. Love them!

Insomnia Day 3

2008-05-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

For the last two nights, I haven't been able to sleep. Anyone who knows me knows how unusual this is for me! I love sleep! It's in my top 5 favorite things!

Hopefully, it will be over soon.

Super-Nerd Status

2008-05-11T22:06:00.000-07:00

It's all true.

Me right now.

2008-04-22T22:17:00.001-07:00

Me right now.
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

(edit: This was me on Saturday night. For whatever reason, this didn't get posted. Also, the audition went really well!) About to audition on the Warner's lot!

The celebration continues!

2008-03-08T15:57:00.001-08:00

The celebration continues!
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

Yesterday was my baby's birthday but it's still his birthday weekend!

The Last Unicorn!

2008-03-07T13:28:00.001-08:00

The Last Unicorn!
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

I want this so much! I must've seen this movie a thousand times when I was little

Tiny Indy

2008-02-16T14:02:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

Went to Disneyland yesterday and had so much fun!

Actress-Singer-Ballerina?

2008-02-14T13:01:00.001-08:00

Actress-Singer-Ballerina?
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

I'm riding the bus home after ballet class. I'm instantly sore from it. Someone asked the instructor if her ankle should be hurting. She replied, 'If it doesn't hurt everywhere, you're doing it wrong.' I really love dancing and I always wish my parents had let me and encouraged me to take classes when I was younger. I'm just going to have to try it now and hope my 22 year old joints can hold out!

Me too

2008-02-12T14:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at work:

Comediene/Actress Coworker: "I haven't eaten all day. I just had a slim fast. I'm all jittery."

Me: "Oh yeah, that'll mess you up."

Comediene/Actress Coworker: "It's times like these when I wish I was a housewife in Louisiana . . . eatin' some crawfish."

She makes me laugh so much.

White Mice and Miniature Beagles

2008-02-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

Last night, I went to sleep anxious, knowing that I would have to wake up in 4 hours and go to work (jeezus, I love sleep). Also, Reyneir and I saw Minority Report. So, I had some strange and futuristic dreams.

I dreamt that I found a white mouse with red eyes and wanted to keep it for a pet so I sealed it in this airtight bubble wrap tube. It seemed to be fine in there, breathing and everything. Who knows what was going on? It was a future dream and I had a magic mouse tube.

Then, I got an envelop in the mail that was also bubble wrap and there was a tiny tiny puppy beagle inside! As soon as I opened the beagle package, the mouse (which was only a tiny but smaller than the pup) escaped from the bubble wrap tube and started biting the puppy and the hand I was holding him with. I immediately felt so stupid for keeping the mouse and started to think that maybe it was just a baby rat. The rat bit the beagle puppy so much that the puppy died. It was super disturbing.

I woke up and it was 10 minutes before I had to get up. I hate when that happens.

So, yeah, I got off to a rough start with all that but am hoping copious amounts of caffeine wil help me out.

Right now

2008-02-07T17:21:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

Surfing the web, at work, right now.

Brain Surgery

2008-02-07T17:15:00.000-08:00

I wish I could just remove the "jealousy" sector of my brain and replace it with a "violin master" sector.

That would be nice.

Sexy Cuban Girls

2008-02-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

As an update to my previous post, I would also like to say that a few people have told me I look like Vida Guerra, in the face (she's Cubana like me) and that is the comparison that I think is most accurate even though it's still a little off.

You know who you look like?

2008-02-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

Over the years, people have told me I look like many people. My cousin Reina, thought I looked like Jesssica Alba (no); my therapist thinks I look like Katie Holmes (no), and my manager at the beauty supply once made me love her by telling me I reminded her of Jennifer Connelly (ok, I will believe you!).

Today, I received the most oddball comparison to date.

I was sitting at work and the woman who serves as our Doggie Dentist was on her way out the door when she says, in her cute Southern drawl "You know who you look like? You're gonna die (dai) when I (ah) tell you!"

Now, I am always intrigued to see who people think I look like because I'm an egomaniac and mighty vain to boot. So, I'm waiting to hear the flattering news when the Doggie Dentist excitedly says, "Sylvester Stallone!"

I cannot act cool about this, but I try. I try to be gracious but in my mind I can only see Rambo. This is what I get for not wearing makeup.

She continues, "You have his eyes. He had a sister. I knew her and you look just like her."

Her recovery is tactful. Okay, I look like Sly's sister. I can handle that.

Maybe I can handle that.

Spontaneous Dancing and Heartfelt Blogs

2008-01-31T22:15:00.000-08:00

I just read Reynier's latest blog entry and it made me cry.

A couple days ago, he and I had a conversation where he told me that he felt there were parts of me that he didn't know even though we've been together (and lived together) for 3 years. It's true that there are many things that I think and feel that I don't share. When I'm with my mom and brother, with whom I feel most at ease, I am super random, dancing around for no reason, and cracking jokes like nobody's business. I really am more fun, I think.

Reynier sees some of this stuff (except the dancing), but not all of it and I wish that it weren't that way. I wish I could be the same way all the time and not give a care to what people think. Unfortunately, I have a lot of care for what Reynier thinks because I think he's amazing. He's also critical of things that I do, which has helped me a lot but also makes my insecure self very scared. I constantly wonder, what would Reynier think if I did this or that thing. I don't want to be that way. It's so uninteresting. I want to be the person that cracks jokes all the time without worrying if her audience will think they're funny. I want to dance for no reason at all except I feel like dancing.

Things to work on and think about.

The Mascot

2008-01-29T13:42:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

This one keeps stepping on the phone and making calls.

Cute Overload Eligible

2008-01-24T15:46:00.001-08:00

Cute Overload Eligible
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

He lives on the front desk at work.

3AM Freakouts and waking up before the sun

2008-01-21T08:19:00.000-08:00

Blogging from work, like a badass:

Yesterday was my first day being on my own at work here at the doggie hotel (I had been training for two weeks) and I was convinced that everything that could go wrong would. At any time, there are at least 20 dogs staying and eating at the place (many of these dogs live here because they're rescues and don't have homes) and all those dogs have to be managed in the computer by me. The really great thing that happened was that one of the Rescue dogs was adopted and would be picked up the next day! I scheduled his bath for that night, so he would be nice and fresh for his new parents. Everything was fine but as I left I couldn't shake the feeling that I was forgetting something. I checked and double checked everything, locked up, and left.

That night, Reynier and I watched a movie and I probably stayed up later than I should have, knowing that I had to be up at 5:30 the next morning (many people may not understand how little of a morning person I am. I hate it. When the alarm goes off at that time, my status is "want to step off building"). Then, when I finally cuddled into bed, I couldn't sleep. Everything that I did yesterday was racing through my head. I was watching the tape of my day in Fast Forward and the time was ticking away. When I started to get sleepy it was around 1:30.

I was having strange anxiety dreams where my boss wanted me to pick up his one-year old baby from school and he said I could take the company van or the company bicycle (yes, a goddamn bicycle) and I was trying to figure out how to carry around a baby on a bicycle because I really didn't want to drive the van. Then, I woke up with a really bad stomachache and the realization that although I had scheduled the adopted dog's bath, I hadn't printed the schedule and given it to any human person. The only thing that calmed me down was the hope that the one person I had mentioned it to had remembered and passed the word on to the night people who would be giving the bath, or better yet, had given the bath himself. I felt like I had really bad indigestion and all I could do was try to relax and not wake Reynier with my craziness (I failed because at one point he rolled over and told me I was driving him "a little bit crazy").

Anyhow, at around 4, I was able to fall asleep and then I woke up and headed to work at 5:30, before the sun was up. Jeezus, I hate getting up early. When I got here, I was ready to beg the Kennel Assistants to give the dog a quick bath before my slip-up could be detected.

I said, "I did something really stupid, Popo (names have been changed to protect the smelly) was adopted and he's getting picked up today and I scheduled the bath but I didn't print out the sheet and ohgodhelpmeplease!

And she was like, "Oh, it's done. I saw the note."

I never thought I would be so excited about a dog getting a bath but I was so fucking relieved. I guess the one person that I told was more on top of it than I thought.

PS- Yes, I am a crazy girl and not even in the hot, girls-gone-wild kind of way.

2008-01-17T21:55:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I was driving home and I saw this minivan that was plastered with bumper stickers. The first one to catch my eye said something to the effect of "In Dog We Trust" and had a little doggie silhouette on it.

At the next red light, I pulled up close to the car to read one of the stickers. It was this one:

I had never seen this quote before but I really think that it's incredibly true . . . and sad.

A Conversation

2008-01-11T21:53:00.000-08:00

Last night, Reynier and I had an interesting conversation about infidelity.

Yesterday, he posted this blog. After reading it, I realized that I was convinced and so secure with this feeling of "Reynier would never cheat on me" (This is huge for me because I am such a psycho jealous bitch). Then I thought, "If I told him that I thought that, he would probably tell me not to think that." So, at dinner, I mentioned it to him and sure enough, he didn't like it! I thought it was so bizarre! To me this is such a huge vote of confidence! I only wish that he felt the same way about me!

Anyway, he started to explain how sometimes when he saw a woman he felt "overwhelmed" with "lust" and that in some situations things were "out of your control." I started to feel so sick at the thought of him "lusting" after women! Plus, I always think that it's so lame when people cheat and then say that they were overcome with emotion or lust or they were drunk or whatever! Hello! When you promise to be faithful to someone it's not just for when you have your wits about you and there are no attractive people around! It's for all the time!

I started to feel like I was going to cry and like I needed to run to the bathroom. It was so shocking to hear that the person that I trust most in the world -and up until a second ago believed would never cheat- was telling me that sometimes things could be out of one's control! I realized that I was starting to freak out and that a stupid conversation about philosophies was about to turn into a huge blowup, so I started to step back and think about my feelings (something that I've been reading about in my Zen books). I tried to look at the situation like an objective observer, not a scared and upset person. I instantly felt more calm. I felt like I could handle having this conversation without freaking out (even if I didn't agree with Reynier).

I know that Reynier wasn't trying to say that cheating was no big deal or that it was okay by any means. I think that what he didn't like was the idea of my making a big generalization about him and saying that there was anything that he would always or never do. I still don't know if I agree or disagree with what he was saying. I feel like I would never cheat, no matter what. It makes me a little sad to think that he doesn't have complete faith in me, but I'm glad that I was able to talk about such a touchy subject (for me) without freaking out completely.

I think that I am little by little, learning to manage the killer jealousy that plagues me.

:-)

"I quit so hard!"

2008-01-05T21:31:00.000-08:00

When I first started working at the Beauty Supply, I thought my boss was a little annoying but overall, a nice person. Last month, when I worked an epic amount of hours, I started to see more and more facets of her and finally decided that I had to quit ASAP.

It annoyed me that the first thing she did in the morning was head straight to her office and watch the security videos for everything that had happened while she was away. It freaked me out when she would sit in the office and watch me on the monitors - rushing out to give me some stupid task to do the second I sat down or checked my phone.

It bothered me how greedy she was and how she would raise her prices for no reason. It made me sick how sweet she would act with the customers who had a lot of money, falling all over herself for them.

After working there for so long and taking on all the responsibilities of a manager, she continued to pay me next to nothing and when I finally asked her if I could make commission like the other girl who worked with me, she agreed to start the next month. I was so excited until I found out it would only be 1% commission!

So, finally, two weeks ago I started looking for a new job. The first thing that came to mind was the place where I have my dogs, Brandy and Milo boarded and groomed. I thought it would be awesome to work with dogs all day! So, I sent them an email and waited.

Last Wednesday, I got a call from the owner of the dog place asking me to go in for an interview and we set up a meeting for Friday after my shift at the Beauty Supply. I was super excited! I really wanted the job so much that I started to get really nervous. I've never been that nervous for an interview, mostly because the idea of working a day job and doing the same thing every day makes me want to step off a tall building. But, for some reason, this felt different.

On Friday, at the Beauty Supply it was pay day. I planned to get paid and be able to make a clean break if I got the job at the kennel. I knew that if I didn't get paid and then quit, my boss might not want to give me my money. When she got to work and holed herself up in her office for her freaky morning surveillance routine, I knew that I would never be back, even if I didn't get the new job that day. When the boss came out, I gave her my invoice for hours worked and commission earned. She was quiet and thought for a second and then said, "Tomorrow." It didn't make any sense! It couldn't be tomorrow! I was never going back! I reminded her that payday was Friday and told her that if she wanted to start paying us on Saturday that was ok with me, but she would have to start that on the next paycheck because I had to get paid right then. She hesitantly agreed. I was ready to quit so hard!

When my shift ended, I headed to the kennel and met the owner and the assistant manager (who is a comedian and is funny as hell). I chatted with each of them for a half hour - the longest interview ever! They really stressed how crazy-busy it could be and how it could be a messy job. Then Assistant Manager started telling me about all the injuries that dogs sometimes sustained, trying to see if I would be grossed out. I told her things like that didn't bother me and that I had almost been a doctor.

The two of then seemed to like me and I felt really good about everything. I headed home to wait for their call to see if I had to go in the next day to start training. Just when I started to feel like I didn't get the job after all, the phone rang and it was Assistant Manager, letting me know that I should be there at 8:30 the next morning. I was really excited but also really worried because, to be honest, I love sleep. It's in my top 5 favorite things. But it was no big deal, playing with dogs all day is also in my top 5 and it ranks a little higher. :-)

New Year's in Vegas!

2007-12-31T11:07:00.000-08:00

Last night, I was trying to make New Year's plans with Reynier before I went to bed. So, I dreamt that we had decided to spend a couple nights in Vegas to celebrate the new year. In real life, I love Vegas but Reynier has never been, to be honest I don't think he would enjoy it at all.

In the dream, when we got to Vegas, we stopped at a diner and I asked the waiter for a coke but he brought me a diet coke. When I asked for a regular coke again, he sighed, annoyed, and grabbed a half-empty can that someone was drinking from at another table!

While we ate, I realized that I hadn't thought out the plan very well. We didn't have hotel reservations (on New Year's Eve!) and now we were going to have to drive around and find a place with a vacancy. To top it off, I only had $80 to cover everything: gas, food, hotel and drinks! I texted my mom to see if she could send me some money but she didn't respond. I really didn't want Reynier to know that I had left L.A. with no money and would probably not be able to split all the expenses with him.

As we were leaving the restaurant, the same guy who gave me someone else's soda handed me one of those fat travel guidebooks for Vegas. Dream Reynier and I headed out to the car and started looking for a hotel that was reasonably priced. After a lot of time spent reading the guidebook, we found a place and checked in. The dream hotel was Maxim (in real life, I stayed there once when I was very young) but it didn't look like Maxim. It was super luxurious with chandeliers in every room. It was around 4 in the afternoon when we made it to the room and I was exhausted from driving and searching all day so I plopped down on the bed and fell asleep.

When I woke up it was dark and I could see the lights of the strip outside the window. I didn't see Dream Reynier anywhere in the room so I checked in the bathroom. He was filling the bathtub. He seemed to be upset and was saying he needed to relax. Dream Reynier was really upset that we had to share a hotel with other people! I didn't understand at first and thought maybe we had to share the bathroom with an adjoining room. He explained that we weren't sharing the bathroom, but we had to share the halls, the casino, the vending machines, and the arcade! Needless to say, Dream Reynier was getting a little crazy. I felt so bad that I had suggested we go to Vegas. I felt that I should have known that Reynier would hate it. I went to the window and looked outside and saw the pool and hot tub. I asked Dream Reynier if he wanted to go swimming but there was no answer. I went to look for him, but he was gone.

Then I woke up.

When I woke up, I was soooo relieved to be home and not in Vegas with a missing, crazy Dream Reynier!

The Apology

2007-12-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

A couple days ago, I had just gotten to work when I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. I answered (against my better judgment) and was surprised to hear a voice I hadn't heard in over three years . . . let's call the caller GH.

When I was a senior in high school, I met GH through a friend and I liked him a lot. We hung out a little until after a few months, he told me that he didn't want to see me anymore because he felt I was starting to become "too attached" to him.

Four months later, out of the blue, GH called me and stupidly, I started hanging out with him again. I saw him almost every day for 8 months, but we weren't really even dating. I was just, there. I'm embarrassed to admit how much I did for him and I'm also embarrassed to say how badly he treated me. I remember going to his apartment and just sitting around waiting for his attention while he watched tv or chatted with other women on the phone.

One morning, I woke up super early because we had agreed that I would bring him breakfast, when I got to his place, I rang the bell for the longest time. I called his cell. Nothing. Finally, the building manager came over and told me that he hadn't seen GH since the night before, when he went out to the club. It wasn't until hours later that GH called me back and told me that he had spent the night with a woman that he met at the club. I don't remember his apology. I wish I could say that was the last time I spoke to him.

Months passed and I started to give him money every week. I had gotten my first job, and I wasn't making too much. My mom saw that I was working and working but also that I had no money, it was just disappearing. It got to the point where my mom asked if I was using drugs! I taught GH and his friends to play poker and we played every Thursday. When I left, I would leave him all the money I had won from his friends and all my money that I had brought to play with, but I looked forward to Thursdays so much, because I felt that it was a time when I was real to him and it let his friends know that I existed.

GH would do 15 terrible things and then do 1 kinda nice thing, and that nice thing would give me hope. That nice thing made me think, yes, he talks to and messes with a lot of girls, but I am the main girl. I am the best girl because I'm the provider.

Throughout the months, I could feel him start to care and stop himself. Every time he gave me any good sign, he would go out of his way to undo it. Once, he kissed me on the cheek (he had never kissed me) and then, suddenly, a few minutes later, decided he needed to go out dancing with one of his girl friends. Needless to say, I wasn't invited.

Finally, GH decided to move away and it was my chance to escape. We talked a little after he moved. I bought him a phone, put it in my name, and sent it to him (a decision which affects my credit to this day). Then, I met someone, and he freaked out. After having me right in front of him, waiting, devoted for almost a year, it wasn't until he knew I had found someone better that he told me he cared. I told him to leave me alone and let me be happy and thankfully, he did.

So, a few days ago when I got this call, I was not thrilled. I had spoken to him briefly about 2 years ago when I was already with Reynier and his last call left me annoyed. This time he started off in a super casual way, just asking how I was doing, etc. Then, he started spilling out all his feelings. He started to apologize for everything he had done and how he had treated me. It was so heartfelt and emotional. I was so shocked! I didn't think that he would ever see or admit that he had been behaved badly. I was able to say all the things that I should have said then- that I was too afraid to say.

It seemed like he had been feeling this guilt for so long. From the things that he said, he gave me the impression that he thought I would just be there all the time no matter what he did, probably because for so long, I was there no matter what. He told me that when he found out I was with Reynier (and had been for a year already) he "wanted to die" because he knew that he had lost me.

The thing is that after believing in him for so long and constantly being hurt for it, I don't trust him. Even though I feel that he was being honest and appreciate his apology. In theory, I really feel that everyone should have a chance to change and be given a second chance, but in practice . . . that's another story.

It was nice to be able to say what I needed to say. I definitely learned a lot from my time with him, even thought it was painful. I mostly learned what to never do again! Now, I can really be with someone. I can be honest and say when I do or don't like something or if I will or won't do something. I know how to find someone to treat me well! Now, I know how to be happy.

Classified: MIssion Christmas

2007-12-23T13:20:00.000-08:00

I planned and schemed to get Reynier the iphone for Christmas. So, I worked about 80 hours in two weeks at my job (the most hours I've ever worked at any job) and sold my ass off to make a few extra dollars commision (I only make commision on flat-irons, curling irons, and Jessica Simpson hair-extensions). I was dying, especially since by boss is super high strung and drives me a little batty if I spend too much time with her. I worked 15 days without a day off!

Finally, on Friday, I got paid, but I had miscalculated my hours and I was paid about $100 less than I had been planning with. I started to think that maybe the iphone was $100 too expensive and the I didn't want to be unable to get the rest of my family nice presents! So, I thought about getting Reynier a $300 gift card to REI, where he loves to buy his camping/outdoorsy gear. I thought this would be espcially good since I knew he had been planning a snowboarding trip. I was a little disappointed because I thought this would be a huge downgrade from the iphone.

Meanwhile, every day, several times a day, Reynier joked that he knew I would be getting him the iphone. I know he wasn't serious about it, but I was worried because he knows me so well, that he had guessed what I was going to get him, even though I didn't drop any hints!

On Saturday night, I headed to the 3rd st promenade with my mom, still torn about whether to get the gift card or the iphone! We wandered around while I picked up presents for my brother and made a stop at Victoria's Secret. While at Victoria's Secret, Reynier called and said he had to stop by the promenade also. I was worried now that whatever I got him, my surprise would be ruined!

Then, suddenly it hit me, I have to get the iphone! I simply must! My mom and I rushed to the apple store but as we were about to go in, I got a sick feeling like butterflies in my stomach.I thought, this is the biggest purchase I have ever made! My mom asked if she needed to hold me up. She's super helpful as you can already imagine. I got over my money-loss anxiety and got in line (I was surprised at how few people there were in line). While we were waiting, a guy came up to us, who could help us if we had been paying with a credit card, He asked how I was paying and for what and when I said cash, he gave me a look like I was a big dog gangster or something carrying around with all that cash. lol. He had no idea, I just don't have a bank account, and this was all the money to my name!

When I got to the register, I was rushing to pay because I knew Reynier would be at the promenade at any minute. Then, he called me to ask me a question about parking and I knew he was already there! Luckily the apple store is 4 blocks down from the parking and I knew we still had a little more time. When I take out my cash to pay, the guy tells me I can't pay cash, only credit or debit. I am so "WTF?" about this. My Christmas cheer is leaving me. I don't understand, but I don't have time, I check with my mom to see if I can give her the cash and she'll put it on her card. She has to call the bank. So, we wait outside while she calls. Success! We run back in, I give her the money, the guy brings the phone and we're set. We hide the iphone in one of the Victoria's Secret bags. The last place Reynier would think to look, lol. I was so rushed to hide everything and then walk as far and fast away from the apple store as we could, that I didn't think that Reynier was doing sneaky things of his own and it was another hour before we saw him!

I am so happy with my present, it was all worth it!

'But what did I know then...'

2007-12-16T16:08:00.001-08:00

'But what did I know then...'
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

Years ago, when I was about 16, after my parents had divorced and I had learned things about my dad that made me sick, he came to see me at my grandmothers and brought me a blood red lipgloss. It was an expensive designer brand and I was convinced that he had stolen it. It made me so upset to think that he had stolen something to give me a gift. I wouldn't take the gloss and when he asked me why I wouldn't say. He was so upset that he just left. He didn't even seem mad. I know that my past has shaped who I am and I would never want to go back and change anything that's happened to me. I only wonder about what could have been and where I would be if things with my dad had been different.

Products or people?

2007-12-16T14:32:00.001-08:00

Products or people?
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

It's been an oddly cold winter in LA and as someone who is usually cold anyway I have been suffering a little. At work, the owner likes to keep the door open, rain or shine, so, naturally, when I open the store, I turn on the heat. Apparently, this is not ok with my boss, who says that the beauty products must be kept cool. Mind you, even with the heat on, the thermostat never tops 76 degrees. If she wants human employees to stay thawed, she's going to have to compromise a little. In the meantime, I enjoy the warmth while she's not around.

He Gets it From Me

2007-12-08T16:36:00.001-08:00

He Gets it From Me
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

I just saw my brother's show at his acting studio. His teacher came out and said, "Frank is becoming a genius!" I love to watch him because: 1. He always does great scenes and 2. His technique is dope. He is so natural and fun to watch. Whenever I see him in anything it makes me want to work harder in my own performances.

. . . is watching.

2007-12-05T12:21:00.001-08:00

. . . is watching.
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

This morning when I called my boss after opening the store as usual, she asked (more like, politely accused) me if I came in early yesterday. I told her that I got there early every day. Since she wasn't there, this can only mean one thing: she was spying on me on the security tapes. I don't like this. It makes me uneasy. I have some privacy issues. The biggest beef I used to have with my family was if they came into my space unannounced or went through my stuff (this usually happened when they were trying to do something nice like clean my room or that one time my mom thought I was a hardcore drug addict...don't ask). So now I have such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was liking this job so much and now this! I know I overreacting a little but I can't shake the nasty vibe here, now that I know that everything I did today may be rewound and reviewed.

Work hazards

2007-12-02T16:55:00.003-08:00

Work hazards
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

This is what can happen when extended boredom occurs in a setting with every possible hair/beauty product can be found.

Work hazards

2007-12-02T16:55:00.001-08:00

Work hazards
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

This is what can happen when extended boredom occurs in a setting with every possible hair/beauty product can be found.

Being Jen Malkovich

2007-11-29T10:06:00.001-08:00

Being Jen Malkovich
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

I found this tiny shopping cart hidden away under a table at the store where I work. So bizarre! I put the lashes in there for size comparison. It actually works. When I found it last night, I thought this is some weird Being John Malkovich-style shit! Made my day!

Fartproof

2007-11-25T15:17:00.001-08:00

Fartproof
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

Spotted in Jerome, AZ.

My baby.

2007-11-22T17:30:00.001-08:00

My baby.
Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

This is my baby. He's addicted to crackberry.

Backstage+MobileBlogTest

2007-11-19T23:15:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by jennifer_mederos

This is backstage at the show I just had! I wore more lipstick in those 4 days than in my entire life, combined!

WTFMAN!

2007-11-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

A-couple-days-ago-I-turned-on-my-faithful-compy-and-something-strange-was-afoot.-This-is-the-same-mac-that-has-the-dreaded-RandomShutdownSyndrome.Anyway,-MightyMouse-is-acting-stupid-clicking-and-unclicking-of-its-own-accord,-clicking-right-when-I-click-left...-it's-madness.-At-first,-keyboard's-not-typing-anything-then-it-starts-typing-1's,-like-300-1's-everywhere.-Shit-on-my-desktop-is-being-renamed-to-"1111111...1111111."-So,-basically,-the-situation-is-just-getting-worse.-I-try-to-download-the-system-update,-hoping-it-will-heal-my-damaged/possessed-compy.-But-sadly-I-can't-start-the-download-without-TYPING-a-password(!!!),-so-I-wait-and-I-pray-for-a-miracle.

During-the-next-couple-days,-more-and-more-keys-come-back-to-life.-But-the-keys-that-I-need-for-the-password-are-still-dead!-More-days-pass,-until,-one-morning,-not-knowing-why,-I-try-again.-The-keys-I-need-are-working!!!-Updates-are-being-downloaded,-emails-are-being-checked,-things-are-looking-up,-and-it's-time-to-restart!!!

When-compy-came-back,-I-tried-to-type-and-found-that-all-the-keys-in-the-bottom-row-were-still-fucked...

There's-no-Control,-no-Option,-no-Command,-and-no-left,-up,-right-arrows...

But-most-disturbing-of-all-is-the-absence-of-spacebar.

(I-think-I-will-try-mobile-blogging-till-a-solution-can-be-found...)

I wish you would answer.

2007-11-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

How do you know these girls want to fuck you?

Are there conversations about it?

The Candy Shop

2007-11-06T21:58:00.000-08:00

Today was day 1 of my new job! I'm working at a beauty supply in westwood and I am a big kid in a candy store! I think it's going to take me at least two weeks to figure out where and what everything is. It's super relaxed and I can only work for a couple of hours a day right now because of my class schedule.

My only worry now is that I have to ask for a week off to take the thanksgiving trip I had planned. I hope that my boss won't mind at all and that it will be no big deal. I can't imagine that she would say, "NO! You can't go!" but I do know that she needs someone to be there in the mornings and that's me, at least for now. Also, it sucks to start a job and have to ask for a week off in your first 3 weeks of work! We'll see what happens tomorrow!

sigh

2007-06-15T01:02:00.000-07:00

It is so amazing to know that someone loves you...when you just feel it spontaneously and the love holds you.

I agree

2007-06-01T16:15:00.000-07:00

You Belong in Los Angeles

Whether you'll admit it or not, a huge part of you likes being in the spotlight.
And you may just have enough star quality to make it big in LA!
Even if you don't become famous, you still belong in a place where you can get a year round tan.

Where Does Your Inner Californian Belong?

Erotic Thriller

You've made your own rules in life - and sometimes that catches up with you.
Winding a web of deceit comes naturally, and no one really knows the true you.

Your best movie matches: Swimming Pool, Unfaithful, The Crush

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Of Mice and Men

2007-05-21T03:18:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago, Reynier and I were watching a movie and he starts clapping like a crazy person trying to scare away a mouse who's coming in under the door. I assume that he got scared and left.

I am hoping he got scared and left because last time a mouse came in under the door and camped out in my closet for days and when I finally thought he was gone, Reynier found him dead in the shower from an apparent roach poison overdose.

So, yesterday I come home and Reynier tells me the mouse from the other night did come in and he came out to say hello from UNDER OUR BED! This is too gross for me and as much as I hope that Reynier is kidding, he is serious. So, I go to Home Depot to find a "no-kill" trap. Reynier thinks we need to kill the mouse but I don't want to. As I set it up with peanut buttery bait, I look forward to setting the little guy free to roam Venice once more. This is around 10PM.

My boy and I are jumpy and nervous all night terrified that the mouse will jump in bed with us. Everything makes me jump. I decide that if he doesn't fall for the humane trap I will kill him and that if he climbs on the bed I will smother him with a pillow.

So, we wake up and the trap is empty.

We go out for a few hours. When we return, the trap is still empty.

I go to my mom's house and Reynier is IMing me and tells me that the mouse is making a lot of noise and he's in the trap and I need to come home right now to take care of it.

I grab my stuff, ready to free the mouse and looking forward to a good nights' sleep. Reynier IMs: "Wait. He's not in there"
So, I stay a little longer and when I get home I check the trap and notice that 75% of the fucking peanut butter is gone and in it's place are 8 fat mouse pellets!! It defies logic that he could've gotten back out. I wish there was a tiny camera watching him so I could know his secrets!

sigh...anyway, I'm pissed at the mouse and need to sleep. I gave in and bought the glue traps. I tried to be a nice guy but in the end, I guess I'm not.

Jealous

2007-05-06T10:39:00.000-07:00

I wish you thought I had a "crazy" voice.

tea

2007-03-17T03:12:00.000-07:00

I think the main reason I find chamomile tea to be soothing is because I remember times when lita has made it for me.
Those feelings of being cared for and of having someone be so concerned about me are a lot more intense than any chemical reaction of the tea itself.

Perspective

2007-03-15T01:19:00.000-07:00

In my drawing class, there is a French girl.
She never told me she was French and I didn't overhear her say it and she doesn't have an accent but I know that she is French!
She must be, she has great taste and is one of the best in the class. The guys in the class are crazy for her and she is always impeccably dressed and always in heels.
She is highly intimidating!

I can usually handle beautiful girls. I can even like them and love them and have, on occasion, developed girl-crushes on them. But I cannot stand this well-dressed French girl!

This is what she looks like every day:

Everyone else looks like normal people, we wear hoodies and chucks. She is violating the uniform and it's unfuriating.

But today, things took a very interesting turn. The French girl walks in late and she is wearing JEANS! (She also wears heels, and a chic turtleneck)
I am so excited. I don't know what to do with myself. She does have normal clothes! She only dresses this way to provoke me, I'm sure of it!

But with her change in dress came a change in tune. Princess French girl, who has not spoken one word to me in our two months of class, asked me for assistance in building this cube

I helped the French girl, who speaks perfect English and actually looks like an LA girl in her jeans.

I'm wearing her down. I'm hoping for a hoodie next week, with little skulls on it. I may have to buy it for her.

I feel...

2007-01-07T00:18:00.000-08:00

I go back and forth between depression and happiness/normalcy. I feel like after months of wanting to die, I am now starting to let myself live a little. The worrisome thing is the back and forth part because obviously I have wanted to live before and I have also wanted to die before these past sad months. And there's no reason for the sadness and no reason for the happiness. Three months from now, I may be inconsolable again. This is how it's been for years now.

I always hope that it will be the last time; the time when I "turn it all around."

I want it to be.

I'm tired of being unpredictable and volatile. I want every day to be a "good day." On good days, I am not jealous. I am fun and funny and artistic and thoughtful. Most of my days are not "good days" so far. Once upon a time, when I was about 14, I thought that my body was my only flaw. Now (on a "bad day") I feel that it's my only asset (and I need to improve on it and preserve it).

I feel like I'm getting old and wasting my time and it's especially hard for someone who told herself she would "be somebody" by a certain age. I think this is why I want to lie about my age so much. If everyone believes something is it real?

There's a lot of material here for a certain web site that I know and love.

---it was a PBJ by the way.

tuna

2006-10-07T00:31:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time you made a sandwich for me. I lay on the bed and watched you...

little survey

2006-09-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
we go Dutch

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias; who is it?
Luxe Ferranti

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently.
montana, because yes. the most useless state of all

4. You wake up as the opposite gender - what's the one thing you want to try?
hitting on a woman

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo = sexy. Luke Skywalker = pussy. end of story.

no 6?

7. Top three celebrities you want to do?
don't want to fuck them but think they're sexy: Robert Downey Jr., Edward Burns, and um, Jeremy Piven

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
stupidity

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
no idea

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
dunno

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution what's your last meal?
massive portions of spaghetti, meatballs, garlic bread, soda and chocolate cake for dessert.

12. What's something that you've done that most people haven't?
been to Cuba

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done?
stayed at one job for more than 6 mos.
.
13. Before you die you want to go to...?
Europe

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably wont ever be able to do?
why wouldn't I be able to?

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
a fox

16. A drug you'll never try?
Crack.

17. If you were an animal what would you be?
a horse

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be?
oh god, no one

19. What's something most people don't know about you?
I cried at the end of Click!

20. First celebrity crush?
Ben Affleck (how the mighty have fallen!)

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
I think I'd be a good boxer

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)?
pancakes

24. Favorite parody movie?
no

25. Worst way to die?
burning to death

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
not in real life, but on one of those learning Channel shows there was this woman whose leg came out of its sock at the hip. It took 3 or 4 orderlies to pop it back in and she was screaming the whole time. finally the got it in but fractured the socket.

27. The worst injury you've ever had?
about 6 months ago, cracked my tailbone while attempting to skate

28. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
being with family and eating too much

29. Sport you hate the most?
hockey, wtf

30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
New Orleans

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
Everything.

32. Favorite Actor/Actress?
Tom Hanks, Robert DeNiro

33. What's one word you absolutely detest?
subordinate

34. What makes an awesome party?
awesome people

35. What's your material obsession?
books, shoes

36. What's something most would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?
that I'm stubborn

37. Favorite kind of dog?
supermutts

38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)?
popcorn

39. Morning or night person?
Night.

40. Worst drunken habit?
I'm a good drunk

41. Weirdest eBay purchase?
gold skates that helped me bust my tailbone

42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?
I don't think I've ever eaten while drinking

43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you?
in bed with my baby, watching a movie or sleeping

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
probably my baby

45. Worst job you've ever had?
Victoria's Secret.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
being domesticated

47. Favorite cereal?
frosted flakes

48. Book you could read repeatedly?
The Time Traveller's Wife

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
When I was little I like to lie to my brother about everything. The poor kid could never get an honest answer. I always had these fantastical stories for him.

sigh

2006-09-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted.
I spent today with my dad and it was so surreal and intense day.
It was strange for him to be in my mom's house, sitting, making us laugh, eating at our table. For so long it's been us and then, separated, him. For us to be together...god, I can't even think about it. It was just weird.
He reminded me just how much I love him. Even though, I have tried to deny it.
I caught him just looking at me a few times and there was disbelief in his face. Maybe because I haven't been closer to 20 feet away from him in years. Maybe b/c I'm about to turn 21 and he's thinking of when I was born and things were okay between us all.

I was struck by how small he is. I remembered him taller, stronger, and straighter. I saw him and I got a lump in my throat. He's much much smaller than Franky. I felt so bad. I guess in my imagination he's been this giant villain of my life. And today, I saw, wow, this is someone who loves me but doesn't know any better. Today he was just a man who made a lot of mistakes, not someone to hang all of my issues on.

A Good Omen?

2006-09-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had the first nice dream that I've had in long time.

I dreamt that Reynier proposed to me. He was on the phone with Tristan asking him how he should surprise me. I walked up just then and heard him. When he saw that I had heard he pulled me close. I asked him, surprised, "You want to marry me?" He said he did. He told me he wanted to be with me for always.

This might be the best dream I've ever had (well, the one where the devil gave me magic powers was pretty awesome).

I was a little disappointed when I woke up and saw that it was only a dream.

why?

2006-08-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

"I wanted to destroy something beautiful."

The Week

2006-06-10T17:27:00.000-07:00

It's been very strange. These past couple of weeks. I feel annoyed at everything. I don't know what to do about anything. I feel like sleeping but feel like being alive and awake. I want to be alone but I want to go out and be social. It's random.

Last night, I dreamt that I lived with my mom and brother in a huge luxury loft. There was a beautiful swimming pool and a garden with snakes. The groundskeeper gave me and my brother each a snake to hold. I was very scared and at one point Franky and I were each holding half of a huge thick snake, like a boa constrictor. I start to calm down when I think that this keeper person knows what he's doing and isn't going to let the snake kill me. Franky got scared and started to move away, taking me with him, while I'm holding the other end of the snake. I try to calm him down and he comes back. The keeper takes the snake back and we go upstairs.
Reynier comes to visit me and I tell him that I wish he and I were the ones living in the loft. I tell him I wish I could help him. I hug him and he leaves. I'm having so much fun. I love the loft but I feel like my family and I don't fit in with the people who live there. The doorman looks at us funny, but I don't care. Then I woke up.

What it feels like

2006-06-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

Something I wrote today. I think it might be the start of something or I might let it stand on its own...

You know it’s happening because your vision starts to go black around the edges. The color drips and bleeds toward the center. You’re passing out. You start to fall but you’re numb and you don’t feel it. The only reason you know you’re falling is because your view changes. It was a photo of girl in a mirror and now it’s the dirt at the foot of the sink. Your body is dead. It doesn’t feel anything and your brain starts to scream, “What did you do?!” or “No! Not here!” It’s too late, though. You fall and hopefully you get up soon. Maybe you wait before you do it to yourself again. Maybe you die again tomorrow.

Lazy Days

2006-05-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of nothing the past couple days.
They've been days when I don't want to get up in the morning even if it means I still haven't picked up my new contacts and can't really see straight.
I feel very low.

I did finish East of Eden today; a book that I started years ago (seriously, years.). I put it down then and picked it up again now. I loved it. Really amazing themes and story and everything.

I'm just going to start.

2006-05-17T18:06:00.000-07:00

Today, I had an interview at a wine bistro down the street. It's very cute and cozy with a patio in the back. I would love to have a romantic dinner there, but for now, I'll settle for working my ass off there. The manager seemed like he had already interviewed 76 people by the time I got there and he let me know that he had 4 or 5 more coming. Thanks. I'll go now.
I think I was a damn good hostess. I think I would be one again.

The problem is that I worked at Hooters. This fact never goes over very well. I think even Hooters looks down on Hooter girls. I'm tempted at times, when I'm very broke or having peanut butter and jelly for dinner, to go back and get my job back. It was laid back, I made a ton of money and all for wearing a tiny pair of shorts...
and then I remember, the last night i worked and the table full of 20 howling marines, how uncomfortable I was, and how wasted they were. . .

PBJs aren't that bad.

Adultivity

0713081727a.jpg

Bad Idea

A stroll

Insomnia Day 3

Super-Nerd Status

Me right now.

The celebration continues!

The Last Unicorn!

Tiny Indy

Actress-Singer-Ballerina?

Me too

White Mice and Miniature Beagles

Right now

Brain Surgery

Sexy Cuban Girls

You know who you look like?

Spontaneous Dancing and Heartfelt Blogs

The Mascot

Cute Overload Eligible

3AM Freakouts and waking up before the sun

A Conversation

"I quit so hard!"

New Year's in Vegas!

The Apology

Classified: MIssion Christmas

'But what did I know then...'

Products or people?

He Gets it From Me

. . . is watching.

Work hazards

Work hazards

Being Jen Malkovich

Fartproof

My baby.

Backstage+MobileBlogTest

WTFMAN!

I wish you would answer.

The Candy Shop

sigh

I agree

Of Mice and Men

Jealous

tea

Perspective

I feel...

tuna

little survey

*sigh*

A Good Omen?

why?

The Week

What it feels like

Lazy Days

I'm just going to start.

sigh